Today

Today is my dad's birthday. I think he's officially Bob to me. He has chosen to have no relationship with me and after years of it tormenting me, I'm just washing my hands of it. I do wish him a very happy day.

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother's death, my dad's mother. It may be why he is on my mind. I wasn't close to my dad's parents, but I feel we were closer than me and my dad were because they actually made an effort to communicate a little with me over the years. I loved my grandparents. They had good hearts.

Today I got papers from the Peoria Police department. Cori and Ethan have been chosen to be involved with Shop-With-A-Cop. They get to eat breakfast and have a ride with a police officer and then get to go Christmas shopping for themselves. I think they will have a blast!

Today I worked at the pool and there must have been something in the water! It was Onery Tuesday! Just about Every kid seemed to be possesed by the devil! About 4 classes in, I gave up and just decided to have fun with them! It was a fun evening. Being in the pool seemed to make my feet feel better. They were so so sore yesterday and were so swollen they looked like hobbit feet!

Today I missed my love and look forward to the Holiday weekend with him.

Today I got my oil changed. No more clickity-click noise!

Today I cleaned my mom's house because I had nothing else to do!

Today was a good day. I'm glad that I'll be done with work in about 30 minutes. I wish I was going home to my love, but I'm looking forward to seeing him in the morning.

I'm glad today is over. ;)

A 4YO's description of a fire drill: 1 time @ school we were pretending there was fire!

westgatecitycenter.com.....sing for bling

note to self: websites to check out- womenofscottsdale.org & westvalleywomen.org

My new moto: if it aint broke don't fix it!

See what all this "construction has done for my blog? Yup! Completely wiped it out! I'm so frustrated!

Time to breath new life into this Blog!

So I'm going to be doing some construction on my blog. I think I need to motivate myself Blog more! I also need to get my camera fixed so I can take more pictures! I'm thinking I need to start doing those daily blog memes (I think that's what they're called) again to keep me motivated and maybe to squelch my writers block! Stay tuned, and give me feedback!

Why we should equate donuts to sex!

I've been playing around with losing weight for a couple years now. I do well for a while and go down then I get lazy or something and go back up. I've been trying to add more excersize but it seems lately I just can't get my eating under control. I've been eating like crap lately! I get bored or in some kind of slump and I just eat junk! I've been on a Boston Cream donut kick lately, probably thanks to my daughter, Lil g, and her damn sweet tooth! Well last week I said no more donuts! Today I'm feeling down because of some potential life changing decisions and what do I do? I go straight for a damn donut! So I eat the donut and then an amazing epiphony hit me! That donut was the same as a one-night stand! It looked delicious and it gave me a few minutes of pleasure, and then left me with a stomach ache and regret. I've only ever gotten one good thing out of random sex, and I've never gotten anything good from a donut! I think if everyone look at their vices in this same light we'd all live healthier happier lives! Why do something if it's only going to give you momentary pleasure and leave you with regret? This has really given me something to think about! I definitely have a few more vices I need to concer!

It's still hard to look at pictures of my grandpa

My grandma has pictures plastered everywhere of my grandpa at her house now. He passed away March 13, 2009. I didn't realize how hard it was for me to look at them until the other day. My grandpa was the most important man in my life for 23 years (until my son was born). He taught me just about everything I know. I attribute 80% of my positive attributes to him and about 40% of my negative attributes as well. He was an amazing man, with an amazing life, and amazing stories. I am able to take care of quite a few things on a car because of him. I am able to problem solve very well because of him. I am unable to tolerate stupid people because of him (see, it's a catch 22). I know there are things in my life, past, present, and future, that he would not be okay with. I can hear his voice in my head when I have a decision to make. But without a shadow of a doubt I KNOW that man loved me. And I know he loved me for who I am, even if he didn't agree with me. I think it's very hard to disagree with a person and yet show them love at the same time and yet he managed to do just that every day. I am glad to say that when it comes to him I have a clean conscience. I know I did right by him and I know I continue to do right by him by making sure the love of his life is ok. He loved my grandma more than anything. I don't think there is anything that he wouldn't have done for her. It is purely his example that I now realize what true love is. I feel bad for people who didn't get to know my grandpa. A lot of people will have a lot of bad things to say about 'Howard'. He was very outspoken. In his mind he knew what was right and that was it. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people only saw this. If you're quick to judge, or quick to be offended, then you wouldn't have liked him. But if you talked to him with an open-heart, knowing that you may not agree with him, but knowing you are talking to a man who stands up for what he believes in with more integrity than you ever thought possible, then you would love him. He is an amazing example to me of how a person should be. I can see in me the things that are good from him and I try to utilize them to the best of my ability. I see the things in me from him that are not so great and I do my best to turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones. I am a strong person with a strong work ethic that can problem solve my way out of anything. For that and everything else he has given me I will always be truly greatful and hold him in my heart.

ps-if you're a person that has no, or doesn't use any, common sense, know that I plaster on a smile and keep my comments to myself. :)

power of positive thinking baby! Jennifer brought me jeans 4 my daughter last night & 2day I got a large refund check from verizon that i wasn't expecting!

If you don' like your life, change it!

I heard this as a speech topic at a conference and it seems to come back to me quite often now. I've felt lately that I'm just stuck in this horrible rut with no way out. I want out really badly, I just can't figure out how. So I've realized how negative I have allowed myself to become and have decided that that is the thing I can do something about. So from here forward I'm am going to work on having a positive attitude and more than likely positive things will follow.

I'm not perfect, & I can't pretend 2 b anymore. I must own up 2 my actions & b a person w/ integrity.

during the daddy/daughter dance @ Jeana & Chris' wedding last night it hit me that I had married a man that was EXACTLY like my dad. That was just stupid!

I HATE Oregon. It takes all the people I love from me. There's nothing like starting fresh @ 30 needing to find a new circle of friends!

it mysties me when ADULTS act like babies after a misunderstanding or disagreement.

'maps....you don't love me like i do...maps'....what the hell is this song????

my kids r talking about halloween costumes & Cori says something about dancing and E-boy says 'transformers fight, they don't dance.

I had a rough night

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power.
The die has been cast. I've stepped over the line.

The love of God controls me. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple
of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or back away.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure.

I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning,
smooth and ease, colorless dreams, mundane talking, cheap giving, and
dwarfed roles.

I no longer need prosperity, position, promotion, preeminence, or
popularity.

I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or
rewarded.

I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk in patience, live by
prayer, and labor with power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is the Kingdom of God. My road
is narrow. My way is rough. My companions few. My guide reliable. My
mission clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back,
deluded or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of
adversaries, negotiate at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of
mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up until I've stayed up, stored up, prayed
up, paid up, spoken up, for the cause of Christ.

I must go until He comes, give until I drop, teach until all know, run
until He stops me.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ

(by Ed Cole)

I just saw the strangest thing....street performer outside of "Taylor Rentals" @ 51st & Peoria having a photoshoot. strange location 4 a shoot!

*deep breath* I'm having a good day. will deal with assholes 2morrow!

thus begins my 2 day tirade about TV & how much I hate it! Man, Lil g & I need playmates!

Goodwill has a little more junk, I have a little less!

my new drivers license has a brunette miss piggy on it!

I just hit my forehead really hard on the car. I'm seeing stars.

I love when Bob teaches Sigmund to dive! I see this! Don't make me watch this!

woo hoo! What About Bob is on! I get 2 watch this HILARIOUS movie w/ my kids!

people amaze me! bum #2 AND #3 just asked for $ while I'm standing next 2 my broken down car. 1 idiot drove by and yelled "hey beautiful", like that helps!

ugh! I know I have a weak stomach, but how do I get motion sickness when I'm not moving?

i've probably reached the point in which I have 2 shave. my shins feel like cat fur.

It's gonna take a lot 2 convince me that tie-dye clothing is okay.

I'm impressed that my kids' school only has a water vending machine. Now if only they'd stop serving that damn chocolate milk!

So was Darius Rucker trying to make me cry when he recorded his album? Wow! I'm all goose-pimply!

My day

So I've got to force myself to do this more. I always have so many thoughts going through my head and it's hard for me to get my ADD to let me sit down long enough.

This AM I got up with my kiddos at 6 and spent the morning getting them and my mom ready to get out the door. This is no small task. Our goal of getting the kids to their dad by 7:30 ended up being closer to 8:00. Then I dropped mom at her school and went to get Rob. I was pretty late, which I always feel so bad about. This morning was just such a gorgeous day and I had had such a good time with my kids the last couple days that there was just nothing that was going to bring me down.

Got to the apartment pretty close to 9:30 which didn't give poor Rob any time to lay down at all. I threw the sheets in the washer and started in on the dishes. I showered and took a computer/nap break. I was really tired but had such a hard time falling asleep. I have so many things on my mind including my best friend going through an awful time right now and me having my hands tied and unable to help her. I miss her so much.

Finally fell asleep and slept until Rob came home on his lunch break around 1:30. I got about 15 minutes of Rob time, which was not nearly enough, and had a nice salad for lunch. He's so good to me. I continued with the switching of laundry, did another load of dishes, and cleaned the bathroom. Everything is smelling much fresher! I finally got the drying rack put together that I bought 2 weeks ago. Put my first load of laundry to dry on it. We'll see how it goes. I had a house for 7 years and always wanted a clothes line or drying rack to save on the electric bill and never got one! I'm hoping this works out!

I have only lived in an apartment two other times in my life. Once in 2nd grade for about 2 months and once right after high school for about 3 months. I am not used to not being able to walk out my back door without a shirt on. So when I got the drying rack finished I went to take it to the balcony and gave the guy across the way an eye full. I guess it's no worse than seeing a girl in a bikini...but still. Actually that kind of makes me want to do a social experiment that I've thought about before. I would love to have different situations where one girl goes somewhere in a skimpy bikini and another goes to the same place in bra and underwear. It would be an interesting "people watching" situation.

So I swept off the balcony while I was out there and have continued rebooting the laundry. I've got to get everything put away. I'm taking lots of breaks and trying not to kill myself since I have all day tomorrow to get stuff done. I'd like to bust out my spackle here in a minute, but I think I'll wait till after Rob leaves tonight.

That's about it for this post. I plan on writing about the last couple days a little later.

cori just got 2nd place in breaststroke!

Me: Ethan y r u waving @ that man? Ethan: cuz I want 2 make everyone happy!

Lazy weekend!

My kiddos are gone to the Ranch so I am enjoying doing....NOTHING! I slept and visited with one of my best friends, Alexis yesterday. Enjoyed a lazy evening with Rob, and ended the night with our friend, Race, doing a little karaoke at Brennan's. Today I was too lazy to get up so Rob took my car to work. I've watched a movie, Becentennial Man, and played around on facebook. I'm gonna get up and do some laundry and clean the kitchen in a bit, but I am hungry so I'm contemplating walking to get food somewhere. I work tonight but still have no kiddos tomorrow so it will be another lazy day!

I yet again have not had the time to blog recently. With work, school, kids, and trying to get some sleep in here or there, I just haven't had the time. So here's an update of my world.

Cori is enjoying the end of her school year. She has made so many girl friends this year, which has me breathing a sigh of relief. She is still swimming at Teacher Lynda's where I work. She is incredible! I think she will be a way better swimmer than I ever was....and I was good!LOL She has also been taking a gymnastics class with her friend, Sierra, once a week and will be taking more ice skating lessons this summer, as well as being on Ironwood's swim team. I'm really looking forward to watching her swim meets! She is growing so tall and beautiful. I am making a goal to spend more one-on-one time with her this summer.

Ethan is still my best boy. He is the sweetest thing on the planet. I love him so much! I won't go into detail of all the medical issues we have been addressing with him, but I feel we're making progress. He just recently got glasses for reading and is so cute in them! He will also be swimming and Ice skating this summer along with Summer School. We made the decision not to hold him back after all. I'm really not sure if it's the right decision, but I don't have a clue what the right one is! He is behind academically because he has had such behaviour issues this year. I really hope that with my mom's help, and a teacher next year who will be more understanding, we will be able to get this very bright wonderful boy up to where he needs to be. I'm determined to love that kid enough to help get him through life!

Georgia, or Lil g, as I call her is one spunky little girl. She finally acclimated to preschool and her teachers are please with her progress. She will be going to Paseo Verde next year because Mrs. Hailey is being transferred there. Mrs. Hailey has been such a blessing to all 3 of my children that I can't imagine putting Lil g anywhere else. I get to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Lil g, and we just have so much fun. She's as ornery as they come! She will be doing swim lessons this summer and skating lessons with the other two as well. I know she's excited.

As for me I am getting ready to enroll in summer school. I'm also preparing to enroll in the Phlebotomy program at PC next Spring. I'm on the road to nursing school but need to take the necessary stepping stones so I can have a decent job while I'm in school. I'm still working at the pool about 10 hours a week or so and hosting karaoke several nights a week. Both things work well in my schedule so that my mom can watch the kids while I'm working. I wish I could find something else to fit in my schedule that would bring in a bit more money. Things are super tight, but I think they are for everyone. I'm looking into donating plasma and other things that might help. Too bad I'm too old to donate my eggs! LOL I make pretty cute kids! LOL I don't think many people read this, it's really more of a journal for me. I need to take a minute and be thankful for a very special person who has come into my life. I'm not ready to put out too many details to the world, but I have been becoming closer and closer to my friend, Rob. He is becoming my closest friend, and dare I say, perhaps the man I will spend my life with. He came in and restored something that shattered in me when I was very little. My dad wasn't around hardly at all. He didn't help my mom support us very much. And after a minor falling out I haven't spoken to him since right after Ethan was born in 2003. It's sad, and I wish it were different, but him not being in my life killed something inside of me at a young age. I had very little faith in men. Rob has breathed some new life in me and has given me a sense of hope. I am looking forward to introducing him into my life with my kids and my family. Now for the couple people who are reading this DO NOT PANIC! I am not rushing into anything anytime soon! I'm being careful and cautious, but know that I wouldn't introduce a person into my kids' lives if he weren't the best thing for me or them.

I'm adding caffiene 2 the list of things I am no longer ingesting.

Test test....testing out mobile blogging!

Hardly time for blogging anymore!

Well at the moment I don't have daily access to a computer and I have started school. That is the reason my blog has fallen dormit. I'm taking my 2nd to last prerequisit in order to get into a nursing program. The class is Biology and it has the potential to swiftly kick me in the booty! I have been studying my poor little brain to death! I think I've studied more for this one class than all my past college AND high school classes combined! We just had our first test last week. I GOT A 94!!!!!!!!!!! I had a feeling I did well on it, but had no idea I had done THAT well. My grade in the class right now is a 90, which is an A....which is FANTASTIC! But if I don't keep studying and probably work even harder than I am that grade will easily fall. Not that a B would be a bad thing, but an A would just be awesome! I think it will give me more confidence going into the next class which is Anatomy. I have never taken an anatomy class so this will be all new to me. At least with the Biology it's all stuff I've had before. Having some prior knowledge really helps in studying and understanding. Maybe I should locate the anatomy book NOW and start reading!

In other news....

Cori just turned 8 in January. I just had a parent/teacher conference with Cori's teacher and she is doing very very well. I am so glad she has Mrs. Harris. Cori is so much happier and has so much more self esteem this year. She isn't as interested in the boys as she was last year (and yes, I am sighing in relief about that!). She seems to have gotten much closer with some of the girls in her class. She (and Ethan) had a birthday party in January that was just a HUGE hit! I see her every day in the cafeteria and all her friends say hi to me and Cori is almost always in a good mood! She is getting so tall and her hair is getting so long! One of these days I'll get my puter back and I'll be able to post recent pictures.

Ethan just turned 6 in January. He has more of a struggle with school because of his disabilities. He can't handle all day Kindergarten yet, so I pull him out at 11:00 everyday. He takes a nap every afternoon which tells me he just isn't mature enough for it yet. Academically he is fine. He is a VERY bright boy. But for the sake of making his schooling less of a struggle for him he will repeat kindergarten next year with the same teacher. Ms. Cluff is so sweet to him. She's a fairly new teacher and doesn't quite know how to handle him or make him comfortable but she is trying very hard. Every day with Ethan is new and different. He is THE sweetest boy in the world! He has incredible vocabulary and talks all the time. His manners are awesome and sometimes I wonder how such a sweet boy came out of me. Then of course there is the Ethan that is very very very difficult to handle. I won't even go into the behaviors we have to deal with on a daily basis. His mild autism and SEVER Sensory Integration Disorder (and possibly ADHD) make Ethan's world different from ours and sometimes difficult for him to navigate. We are working very hard on giving him the tools he will need the rest of his life to deal with day to day stressers. I believe with as much effort we are putting into him and his therapy that he will be a very successful adult. We hope to get him into Hockey year round. He loves it and it helps with his disabilities.

Georgia (will be 4 in July), or Lil g as I call her, is such a spitfire. She has the most of both me and he father mixed in her, which can be a deadly combination. She does what SHE wants to do. She is not a bad little girl. For the most part she is a deliriously happy, energetic, little ball of fun. She's easily tickled out of a bad mood. She loves to terrorize her brother (poor little guy) and forgets very easily where fun stops and naughtiness begins. She is doing well in preschool. She has Mrs. Hailey and Mrs. Benggstein (sp?) which are the same teachers Cori and Ethan had. We absolutely LOVE these two teachers. They are awesome! Lil g is probably the least behaved of my 3 kids for them. I can tell by the way they look at her that they loved Ethan more! LOL (Ethan was absolutely perfect for them because their classroom was a perfect balance of stimulation for Ethan) Not that they don't love Georgia, but I can see times that if she weren't my child and SO stinkin' cute that I may not like her as much either!

Other than that I am still working at the pool and hosting karaoke several nights a week. I am lucky to have so much help from my mom and sister so that I can get enough sleep to function well on a daily basis. My life is not without disapointment and I am struggling with some depression at the moment. But I choose not to dwell on the negative. I have very specific goals and see them playing out in the next 3-5 years.