Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know we don't have enough money already?!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles arealways white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuumcleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with ashopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's allright?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whe never you attempt to catch something that's fallingoff the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons issuffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three bestfriends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Tired

Today has been a busy day. I'm very tired. I'm sitting and staring at the computer screen thinking about how tired I am. So I googled the word "tired" and this is what came up.

http://tired.com/

And here is the explanation for the site...

http://slate.com/id/2103823/

And this site also came up.......kind of funny but not for those who offend easily

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sony_bullshit

And THAT my friends are my thoughts for the day.

Weightloss baby!

Look at how FAT this girl was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These pics were taken back in December of 2006. Don't be alarmed...the fat girl won't eat you. I am about 17 pounds lighter now! I need to get some pics done soon. Maybe I'll go to a studio and get nice ones done. I'm in no way close to where I want to be..........but these pics are so encouraging! This pic to the left is more recent. Not a great angle, but less porky! LOL People keep asking me HOW I'm doing it. Honestly I'm not doing much as I should. My new job teaching swim lessons provides some exersize. I try to do a work out tape at home a couple times a week too. I only drink diet soda. I definitely eat LESS, but not necessarily all that healthy. I've kicked up my water intake. We have YMCA memberships that I MUST start taking advantage of! So keep your eyes open....I'm going to be disapearing before them! hehe

Sex is not the answer

Sex is the question
Yes is the answer

I am a person of light

I don't remember where I got these quotes from. They are rather strange, but I like them.

"There is Light within a Person of Light and it illuminates the entire cosmos." (Yeshua, Gospel of Thomas)

"The Light of one soul is equal to that of sixteen suns!" (Guru Kabir, Anurag Sagar) The Romans referred to the Sun as 'sol'.

"Man's soul shall become, when it leaveth the body, a great flood of Light, so as to traverse all the regions until it cometh into the kingdom of mystery." (Pistis Sophia)

"Whosoever begins this inner voyage i.e., practice meditation, gains in mental concentration. Associated with concentration is ascension. Such person crosses over from the level of ..pind' (body) into the ..brahmaand' (cosmos) where he/she gets the blissful glimpses of stars, moon, sun etc. These sightings are related to the inner world, not the outer one..........

"Verse of the Maitreyy Upanishad: 'Hridaakaashe chidaadityam, sadaa bhaasati bhaasati. Naastameti na chodeti, katham sandhyaamupaasmahe.' (The sun of consciousness within my heart keeps on shining and shining, all the time. Neither does it set nor does it rise. How do I perform sandhyaa?)

"Whoever sincerely practices the inner meditation comes to experience light within. First he sees the light and then he hears sound, too. Sound has a natural & inherent property of attracting the listener towards its source or origin. One who is capable of grasping the sound springing straight from the God Himself gets naturally drawn to Him." (Swami Sant Sevi Ji)

SOMETIMES

Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried.. no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy.. no one sees your smile . -- -- - - But FART!! just ONE time... And everybody knows!!HA HA Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

Well Halleluiah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up today actually feeling like 98% of a normal person!!!!!!!!!!!! I went last night to my friend's b-day party. I didn't do much but sit on a couch a gab and I went home early. It was nice I could go (however I couldn't leave the party fast enough before some weirdo sucked on my earlobe! GEEZ). And I've already started reconstruction on the house. It will probably take as many man hours as Hiroshima! Wish me luck!

Where's my video camera when I need it?

Ethan is sitting in a chair in the living room playing "teacher". He keeps saying in an authoritative voice "criss cross apple sauce" and "yes the teacher is in the room". The girls aren't paying a bit of attention to him and he doesn't seem to care.

Creative Dates

I get bored easily w/ traditional "dinner and movie" dates. So I did some thinking....and a little internet research and came up w/ a BUNCH of ides!

• Take a tour of the house you'd (someday) love to own.
• Paint coffee mugs at a paint-your-own-pottery place.
• Get your palms read.
• Fly a kite.
• Sign up for a one-night class at your local college.
• Hit a farmers' market and scavenge for your dinner.
• Get an easy-to-operate remote-control plane, go to a park and take turns trying to avoid the trees.
• Take a hayride.
• Hit a flea market and find a beautiful blanket to snuggle in together.
• Take a tour of garage sales in the ritziest neighborhoods.
• Don't you just drive each other up the wall sometimes? Prove it -- at an indoor climbing gym.
• Head to an ice skating rink and strap on skates for some icy fun.
• Poke around an antique shop.
• Ride the Ferris wheel at a local carnival.
• Give each other haircuts.
• Pick out the perfect frame for your favorite photo of the two of you.

Think Together - Share interests, ideas, priorities, values, goals and problems. Write down and share your answers to questions such as those listed below.
What color would you never wear and why?
If you could make $100,000 a year doing anything for a living, what would you do?
What was your favorite movie when you were a kid?
If you were lost and alone in the woods, what two items would you want to have with you?
Describe your dream vacation.
What plays the biggest role in a person's success: education, opportunity, or ambition?
Who has had the greatest influence on your life and why?
Describe something you wish someone would invent.

• Do something out of the ordinary; discover a new exciting activity for both of you.
• Look through the newspaper together. Find the weirdest event -- then go! You could choose a dog show, a chicken plucking competition, a poetry reading, or a watermelon seed-spitting contest. You might even find a new hobby.
• A fifties date might include driving to a malt shop while playing a "Hits of the Fifties" CD and, then, after you share a chocolate malt -- two straws please -- rent a James Dean movie.
• A western theme date might include chowing down at a rib-joint, going horseback riding, or watching a Roy Roger's movie.
• If you live in a larger city, you probably have ethnic neighborhoods called Little Italy or China Town. A German village lies less than a mile from our house, and Ron and I love to go there. We usually consume mass quantities of schinkenwurst and streusel, then waddle down the cobblestone streets and pretend we're on vacation in Düsseldorf.
• Some other theme dates might include "Hawaiian Paradise in Our Own Backyard" or, if you haven't pulled weeds in a while, "Jungle Adventure in Our Own Backyard."
• The man of the house would love a date night called "Baseball Fever" or better yet, send the kids to grandmas and build your theme around "Touch Football"!
• Spend the afternoon browsing through art galleries and discussing what you like and don't like about various pieces. If you don't like art, museums are wonderful places to learn about history and science. Most men would enjoy a train museum, a history of hockey exhibit, or a classic auto display.
• Get a more formal education together, too. Most cities and junior colleges offer a variety of adult evening classes, usually lasting only a few weeks and having low tuition costs. The two of you might want to take a class in photography, computer skills, or gardening.
• If you know that your mate would love to go to a certain event or concert, surprise him or her with tickets.
• You could also plan a less expensive "mystery night." Make all the arrangements, then call your date and say to him or her, "Meet me on the corner of Fifth and Main at six o'clock."Ladies, you could plan a free surprise by calling your husband just as he's leaving work, and whispering, "I'm cold and lonely, come home and warm me up!" After he breaks all the speed limits, arriving home in half the usual time, greet him with a kid-free house, a warm backrub, and a hot bath. It won't cost you anything except your time and attention, and those are the most valuable things you have to offer.
• Meet Verdi, Puccini, or Mozart. Get tickets for an afternoon or evening at the opera. To keep costs down, check with a local college or university about campus performances. If you're concerned about keeping up with the plot, look up the basics of the story online or at the library beforehand.
• Let loose your animal instinct. Head to the nearest zoo and visit the children's section; that's usually where you can feed friendly goats, sheep, and the like, check out cool interactive exhibits, and even pose for a souvenir photo with a harmless snake.
• Be on the move. Instead of staying at one restaurant for a whole evening, plan a progressive dinner: have appetizers at one place, then move somewhere else for dinner and to a third place for dessert. Just be sure to scout out spots that aren't too far from one another; you don't want to feel like you spent most of the night in the car. If your stops are within walking distance of each other, all the better.
• Take him out to the ball game. A major-league face-off is always a blast, especially if your team is a hot ticket. But if seats are hard to come by, especially on short notice, don't overlook the fun of a minor league or local Little League game. All the elements of a pro game -- pride, ego, spirit of competition -- are there.
• Let Mother Nature chaperone. Pack up some Power Bars and bottles of water, lace up your sturdiest sneakers or boots, and go for a nature hike. For specific information on thousands of locations to explore in the United States and Canada, visit www.trails.com.
  • www.trails.com
• Giddy up! While away an afternoon on horseback. No experience? Not to worry. Just tell the stable staff you're a complete beginner; they'll match you with an especially docile horse and teach you the basics before you set out. To search for stables by state, log onto www.horserentals.com.www.horserentals.com
• Have a ball. Go bowling! Rented shoes that make your feet look big and the privilege of hurling a heavy ball down an alley make for major bonding.
  

Do you watch the Today Show?

I just discovered that we actually get channel 12 on our tv, so I watched the TS yesterday and today. For some reason I always get sucked into that wedding, even though I think it's a rediculous waste of money. Did anyone notice the couple from Mesa? Anyone else think they are WAY TOO YOUNG to get married? Geez! Babies! He's obviously head over heals for her though. Not sure about her though.

Kidney infection

went to the doc today.....i have a kidney infection.......i still feel like crap.........i also got heat stroked today on top of everything else and threw up!!!! aye aye aye

SICK SICK SICK

I'm afraid I'm dying. I'd type out all my symptoms but my body aches so that my fingers hurt.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ....Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like....Bananas .... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like .....Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ....Blenders.... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like.... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ....Parking Spots ......All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Giving my props

http://www.scrapbook.com/gallery/image/layout/976135.html

This is an awesome idea! I may have to scrap-lift it!

Today's Rant

The amount of spam mail i get is rediculous. My SPAM folder has hundreds in it every time I check my email and now my inbox is flooded. What have I done to deserve this pain in the ass? Switching emails is a pain in the ass.

Hilarity

Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 mucles in your face to frown. But it only takes 4 muscles in your arm and bitch slap that mother @#!?&! upside the head.

Funny quote for the patriot in me!

If you can't stand behind our troops--- Feel free to stand in front!!

Weight Loss Tracker

Back in March I posted a weight loss tracker that showed how much I weighed. I just updated it....love watching that number go down. Today I put on a skirt for church and the thing was so loose it nearly fell off me! LOVE IT LOVE IT!

Did I mention I LOVE karaoke?????

Bitch by Meredith Brooks.....performed by ME!

I love Ansel Adams

Ansel Adam's photographs are just one of those things that make me smile. I'm not sure I could pick a favorite, but here are a couple that I particularly like.

I'm odd

I'm kind of odd. Below are two websites that I have saved in my favorites list. I'm sure I found them while googling something. The idea of buying something off of either of these sites is intriguing. Of course my wardrobe is already pretty colorful and adding a wig or soccer socks wouldn't look all that strange. But my mind poses several questions. 1)Where would I wear something like this (well...the REAL question is where would I wear something like this AFTER the costume party I plan so I can wear these)? 2)How can I justify spending money on this kind of thing 3)How could I pick just ONE item to order...I want one of each!!!!! See...I'm odd

www.deviouswigs.com

http://www.teamwarehouse.net/main.cfm?Sport=Soccer&item_type=Apparel&sub_type=Socks