It's still hard to look at pictures of my grandpa

My grandma has pictures plastered everywhere of my grandpa at her house now. He passed away March 13, 2009. I didn't realize how hard it was for me to look at them until the other day. My grandpa was the most important man in my life for 23 years (until my son was born). He taught me just about everything I know. I attribute 80% of my positive attributes to him and about 40% of my negative attributes as well. He was an amazing man, with an amazing life, and amazing stories. I am able to take care of quite a few things on a car because of him. I am able to problem solve very well because of him. I am unable to tolerate stupid people because of him (see, it's a catch 22). I know there are things in my life, past, present, and future, that he would not be okay with. I can hear his voice in my head when I have a decision to make. But without a shadow of a doubt I KNOW that man loved me. And I know he loved me for who I am, even if he didn't agree with me. I think it's very hard to disagree with a person and yet show them love at the same time and yet he managed to do just that every day. I am glad to say that when it comes to him I have a clean conscience. I know I did right by him and I know I continue to do right by him by making sure the love of his life is ok. He loved my grandma more than anything. I don't think there is anything that he wouldn't have done for her. It is purely his example that I now realize what true love is. I feel bad for people who didn't get to know my grandpa. A lot of people will have a lot of bad things to say about 'Howard'. He was very outspoken. In his mind he knew what was right and that was it. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people only saw this. If you're quick to judge, or quick to be offended, then you wouldn't have liked him. But if you talked to him with an open-heart, knowing that you may not agree with him, but knowing you are talking to a man who stands up for what he believes in with more integrity than you ever thought possible, then you would love him. He is an amazing example to me of how a person should be. I can see in me the things that are good from him and I try to utilize them to the best of my ability. I see the things in me from him that are not so great and I do my best to turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones. I am a strong person with a strong work ethic that can problem solve my way out of anything. For that and everything else he has given me I will always be truly greatful and hold him in my heart.

ps-if you're a person that has no, or doesn't use any, common sense, know that I plaster on a smile and keep my comments to myself. :)

power of positive thinking baby! Jennifer brought me jeans 4 my daughter last night & 2day I got a large refund check from verizon that i wasn't expecting!

If you don' like your life, change it!

I heard this as a speech topic at a conference and it seems to come back to me quite often now. I've felt lately that I'm just stuck in this horrible rut with no way out. I want out really badly, I just can't figure out how. So I've realized how negative I have allowed myself to become and have decided that that is the thing I can do something about. So from here forward I'm am going to work on having a positive attitude and more than likely positive things will follow.

I'm not perfect, & I can't pretend 2 b anymore. I must own up 2 my actions & b a person w/ integrity.

during the daddy/daughter dance @ Jeana & Chris' wedding last night it hit me that I had married a man that was EXACTLY like my dad. That was just stupid!

I HATE Oregon. It takes all the people I love from me. There's nothing like starting fresh @ 30 needing to find a new circle of friends!

it mysties me when ADULTS act like babies after a misunderstanding or disagreement.

'maps....you don't love me like i do...maps'....what the hell is this song????

my kids r talking about halloween costumes & Cori says something about dancing and E-boy says 'transformers fight, they don't dance.

I had a rough night

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power.
The die has been cast. I've stepped over the line.

The love of God controls me. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple
of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or back away.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure.

I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning,
smooth and ease, colorless dreams, mundane talking, cheap giving, and
dwarfed roles.

I no longer need prosperity, position, promotion, preeminence, or
popularity.

I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or
rewarded.

I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk in patience, live by
prayer, and labor with power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is the Kingdom of God. My road
is narrow. My way is rough. My companions few. My guide reliable. My
mission clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back,
deluded or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of
adversaries, negotiate at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of
mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up until I've stayed up, stored up, prayed
up, paid up, spoken up, for the cause of Christ.

I must go until He comes, give until I drop, teach until all know, run
until He stops me.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ

(by Ed Cole)